Funny Short Jokes Photos Pictures Images: Funny Short Animal Jokes

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Funny Short Animal Jokes

Funny Short Animal Jokes History

Source(google.com.pk)

A frog walks into a bank and wants a loan. He walks up to a teller and see's that her name is Patricia Whack. He asks her for a loan, and she says " do you have some ID or collateral?" He says, "yeah, no problem. Give this little frog trinket to your manager and tell him Kermit jagger wants a loan and his father's name is Mick. He'll know what to do." so Patricia goes to the manager and says, "there's a Kermit jagger out here who says his dad's name is Mick. He wants a loan and said to give you this trinket. What is it?" The manager gets a shocked look on his face and says, "IT'S A KNICK KNACK, PATTY WHACK! GIVE THE FROG A LOAN! HIS OLD MAN'S A ROLLING STONE!"

Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "Whenever I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat.

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

A man was robbed last night. So he went to buy a guard dog from the nearby pet shop. The pet shop had a ferocious dog for sale, and the man thought the dog was perfect. So he asks the pet shop owner how much for that dog. The pet shop owner replies "Oh I can't sell you that dog, he's best friends with this parrot. It would devastate them both to be separated."

"I'll take them both then," the man replies. So he goes home with a new parrot and guard dog.

Later that night, the robber returns. He begins to climb up a tree to the same window he used last time. As he is climbing the tree, he hears an eerie voice say "Jesus is watching you." Slightly confused, he continues to climb the tree. He reaches the branch closest to the window, and hears an eerie voice say "Jesus is watching you." Even more confused, and slightly worried, he looks in the window and sees the parrot, who eerily says "Jesus is watching you." Relieved, the robber thinks "It's just a religious parrot, nothing to worry about."

The robber opens the window and goes in. He takes one step and hears "Sick'em Jesus!"