Funny Dirty Short Jokes History
Source(google.com.pk)
what's invisible and smells like carrots ?
bunny farts.
what do you call a truckload of vibrators?
toys for twats
why does an elephant have 4 feet ?
because 8" isn't enough.
what can you use used tampons for ?
tea bags for vampires.
what is red and has seven dents ?
snow white's cherry.
what is the difference between chicken and meat ?
if you beat a chicken it will die.
what do you call a cow that has had an abortion ?
decaffeinated.
why don't roosters wear underwear ?
because their peckers are on their faces.
have you heard of the new proctor and gamble product ?
toxic shock absorbers.
what is billy jean king's latest advertising sponsor ?
snap on tools of america.
how do you keep a moron in suspense ?
q: what's the definion of a 10
a: a girl about waist high with
no teeth and a flat head for
you to sit your beer on
q: what's the definition of a cinderella 10
a: a girl that fucks and sucks all night
and turns into a pizza and a six pack
at midnight
did you hear about the two irish homosexuals?
patrick fitzgerald and gerald fitzpatrick
q: whats the difference between an epileptic
oyster sheller and a whore with diarhea?
a: and epileptic oyster sheller shucks between fits
how do you know that the bartender doesn't like you ?
because you bloody mary has a string hanging out of it.
what do lesbians like more than calvin klein jeans?
billy jeans'.
what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
hold on to your nuts ... this ain't gonna be no ordinary blow job.
how can you tell if a woman has been screwing an elephant?
when she sits on a barstool, she falls to the floor.
what's better than flowers on a piano?
tulips on an organ.
what do you call two bobs having sex ?
oral roberts.
why do policemen have bigger balls than firemen?
they sell more tickets!
the manager of the chicago bears (they are born losers!) decided to
give the team a facelift by renaming them chicago tampons. why?
answer: 'cause they are only good for one period.
why do women have two holes so close to each other?
answer: in case you miss!
answer: so that yu can carry them home like a six pack.
what do airplanes and women have in common?
answer: cockpits!
what is the difference between a ship and a woman?
answer: a ship cuts thru the water, a woman waters thru her cut.
what is the difference between a girl in a bathtub and a girl in
a church ?
answer: a girl in a church has her soul full of hope,
a girl in a bathtub has her hole full of soap.
how many redneck's does it take to eat a possum?
three - one to eat the possum and two to watch for cars.
what do you have when you have two little green balls in your hand?
kermit's undivided attention!
why does miss piggy douche with vinegar and sugar ?
because kermit likes sweet and sour pork.
what's the difference between parsley and pussy?
nobody eats parsley.
what is the ultimate in courage?
two cannibals having oral sex.
what kind of meat does the pope eat?
nun.
on friday?
how do you tell the head nurse?
by the dirt on her knees.
why does dr. pepper come in a bottle?
because his wife died.
what was the first thing the sorority girl did in the morning?
she went home.
have you heard about the new disease going around that only men
get? its called lack-of-nooki
to cure the above disease you must find a girl with the new
disease slip-dick-to-me.
a _________ was on his first date ever and was very excited.
he picked up his date and as he was driving down the road she said
''boy you smell good, what's that you have on?''
he replied, ''a hard on but i didn't know you could smell it.''
what do mutiny and an orgasm have in common?
a sudden surge of seamen.
why did the rooster cross the basketball court ?
he heard that the ref was blowing fouls.
what's the difference between snowmen and women ?
snowballs.
how can you tell a macho woman ?
her vibrator has a kick starter.
what do you do if your kotex catches on fire ?
pull it out...throw it on the ground...and tampon it.
while in the back of a police car, one of the policemen asks
a couple of prostitutes,
"have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before ?"
one of them replied, "no, but i've been swung around by the tits."
what's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball ?
you can only get three fingers in a bowling ball
what do you get when you mix a mexican and an arab ?
oil of ole'
69 is out and 77 is in because you get ate more.
i knew a girl that was so ugly when she walked into the room..
even the mice jumped up on chairs. and when i took her to the
beach.. all the guys asked me what i used for bait.
what's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb ?
answer: you can unscrew one of them.
how do you know when an elephant has her period ?
answer : your mattress is gone and there's a nickel in its place.
why do women love to play pacman ?
answer: 'cause they get eaten three times for only a quarter
how do you know that an elephant's sex organs are on his feet ?
because if one steps on you you're fucked.
how do you know if a pollock has been to a cockfight ?
because somebody bet on a duck.
how do you know that the mafia was there ?
because the duck won.
panties aren't the best things on earth, but they are next to it.
do you know what you have if you have a nut on each of two walls??
a walnut
do you know what you have if a girl has a nut on each breast??
a chestnut
do you know what you if you have a nut on each cheek??
a dick in the mouth!!!!
q. what is the squareroot of '69' ?
a. ate something
q. which item in the following list does not fit :
eggs, meat, wife, blowjob ?
a. "blowjob" - because you can beat you eggs, your meat, and your wife,
but you can't beat a blowjob.
q. how are the mafia and eating pussy similar ?
a. one slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit!!!
what do you call a masturbating bull ??
beef stroganoff.
what did the baked potato say to the potato chip ?
are you frito-lay ?
what's the difference between love and herpes ?
herpes lasts forever.
what is 69 and 69?
dinner for four..
q. what does an elephant use for a vibrator?
a. an epileptic.
what's the difference between your wife and your job?
your wife quit sucking after 2 years but your job didn't.
what do you get when you mix lsd and the pill?
a trip without the kids.
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what do you get ............
if you mix a rooster and m&m's ?
***** a cock that melts in your mouth, and not in your hand *****
if you mix a rooster and peanut butter ?
***** a cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth *****
if you mix a rooster and an owl ?
***** a cock that stays up all night *****
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what similarity .........
is there between women and jello ?
***** they both wiggle when you eat them *****
is there between a pregnant woman and burnt toast ?
***** they both have been pulled out late *****
is there between a woman and a storm door ?
***** the more you bang them , the looser they get *****
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what do you call a roman with pubic hair between his teeth ?
a gladiator.
what are five disadvantages of being an egg ?
1. you only get laid once.
2. you only get eaten once.
3. the only person who sits on your face is your mother.
4. it takes five minutes to get hard.
5. you can come only with eleven other guys in a box.
what's the difference between kinky and perverted ?
if you're kinky you'll use a feather...if your perverted
you'll use the whole chicken.
what do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole ?
a twenty foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
what is the difference between a young prostitute and an old
prostitute ?
one uses vaseline, the other uses polygrip.
what is the difference between a women's track team and a midget spy
team?
one is a team of cunning runts.
what do a mama bear on the pill and the world series have in common ?
no cubs.
why didn't the greek boy run away from home ?
because he couldn't leave his brothers behind.
what's worse than getting raped by jack the ripper ?
being fingered by captain hook.
what's old, wrinkled and smells like ginger ?
fred astaire's face.
what does an elephant use for a tampon ?
a sheep.
what do soybeans and dildos have in common ?
they're both meat substitutes.
how do you make paper dolls ?
screw an old bag.
what do the pink panther and a male prostitute have in common ?
they are both peter sellers.
how do you tell dolly parton's kids ?
they are the ones with stretch marks around their lips.
what's the difference between a rattlesnake and a rubber ?
you don't fuck with a rattlesnake.
a polish maiden concerned about pleasing her husband-to-be on
their wedding night went to the family doctor to find out about
sex.
maiden; what is that thing hanging down between my boyfriends
legs with the big knot on the end of it?
doctor; that is his penis.
maiden; well what is that big knot.
doctor; that is called the head.
maiden; well, that clears a few things up but what are those two
things 14 inches back from the head?
doctor; i don't know about your boyfriend but on me those are my
ass cheeks.
did you hear about the _______ who thought asphalt was an anal disorder?
did you hear about the ___________'s carpool?
they all meet at work.
did you hear why ________ women can't use vibrators?
they chip their teeth.
why did the __________ spend all night outside the whorehouse?
he was waiting for the red light to turn green?
did you hear about the _________ lesbian?
she likes men.
how come _________'s don't go elephant hunting?
they get too tired carrying the decoys.
did you hear about the _________ bank?
you bring in a toaster and they give you $10,000.
how can you tell a _________ designed the lower half of a women's
anatomy?
who else would put the shit hole so close to the snack bar?
how do you get a ________ woman pregnant ?
you cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
did you hear about the _______ who locked his keys in his car ?
it took him 3 hours to get his wife and kids out.
did you hear about the ______'s wife who was home crying because
he was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook it.
did you hear about the _______ that thought peter pan was something
you put under your bed.
did you hear about the _______ that lost his gum in a chicken coup
and thought he found it 5 times.
did you hear about the _______ that thought moby dick was a
venereal disease.
did you hear about the ______ that built a basement in his
ice shanty and drowned.
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How many ....
________ does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, californians screw in hot tubs.
punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?
two - one to change the bulb and the other to kick
the chair out from under him.
mice does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
2, but don't ask me how they got in there.
indiana football players does it take to change a light bulb ?
1, but she gets 3 credits of a for doing it.
californians does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
4, one to do it and 3 to share the experience.
lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
3, one to do it, the rest to discuss how much better
it was than screwing a man.
pollocks does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
3, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
grad students does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
10, one to do it and nine others to figure out
what screwing is.
environmentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
3, one to do it, the others to fill out the
environmental impact statement.
sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
3, one to mix a drink, one to call her dad,
and the other to call the electrician.
psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?
one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
jewish grandmothers does it take to change a light bulb ?
none..."i will just sit here quietly in the dark"
real men does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
none, real men aren't afraid of the dark.
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